So Far Away

How can one project themselves into an unknown yet clearly seen future and feel the pains of that day when they will fatefully leave the place where they have been hiding from the rest of the world and return to a life that once was? Will that life be what it was? No...a strange and different life will emerge, and always in the back of their mind will be a question, a longing, and a hurt for that which once was...that which could have been. Will these pains slowly subside as the waves of time wash smooth the shores of the heart? Or will a stone emerge beneath the sand that will linger for what will seem an eternity? Such a dangerous stone this would be, for as clouds and storms pound the washed out shores, one will cling to the stone and always seek to go back to it. But this illusion of a rock that stands in the sand will only hold one half of what is needed...so far away will the other half be...and so hard to find after time has passed us by.
Such a hard and unfair life, this life of one who wanders. But such freedom and such life is does bring...when the heart is set free by being so far away. If it were never to wander, it would never have seen all that it has seen. It would have never felt the joys and pains of love, the strengths and hardships of survival, the despair and hope of the lonely, the truth and deceit of the wicked, the quiet smile with a painful heart of the searching, the truth that glimmers in the eyes of those not the same.

It was my blessing yet also my misfortune to come from a place so complicated. Life is different there. I have seen a much simpler life, one that could hold peace and love and happiness if I were ever to stay. But the curse of knowing of a place where the war is fought harder and where the heart can soar higher draws me inevitably back. It lets me never be completely at peace in this better land. I have to go, but my heart tells me not to. My heart tells me it's dangerous, and indeed it is.
I have seen both sides of Christendom. I have lived both lives, and I tell you that there is truth in both. There is a hope in both sides. There is a despair in both sides. Yet the tragedy, in the context of our western society, is that only one side wishes to conquer. The other side isn't aware that they're at war...they don't understand the looks of disapproval, the accusations of darkness. They love like you love. They hurt like you hurt. Simply by using the term "they" implies that there are two sides to this strange humanity. This is one of the greatest illusions ever to plague the followers of Christ...the thought that there are two sides. If people could only see that we are all, simply, people - not this side versus that...then perhaps a step could be taken forward in this mission that Christians attempt to accomplish. The mission is wrong...or rather flawed in its very core. I can no longer separate myself from all of humanity and be part of an elitist mindset that so often plagues those who wish to be elitist. I have lived life alongside the desperate and the poor, the wealthy and the content, the drug addicts and the alcoholics, the gay and the straight, the sure and the confused and all those in between. I have lived their life and seen the world through their eyes. I have loved them and they have loved me in a fashion that followers of Christ have much to learn from.

So far away, my heart and my mind. If you soon see my smile reflecting off the great Pacific, my heart may not be behind it, for left behind with these wonderful people it will be, and the heart travels much slower than a vehicle making its way across the highways of the North American continent. So far away, this little piece of my heart will remain...and as I wander once again into a new season of life, it will never forget. I know not where these strange paths of life will lead, but a hope I've found here will never fade as the years scar our hearts and the waves of time smooth the sand of the heart and reveal the stones beneath that sand.

"The cure is if you let in just a little more love...I promise you this...a little's enough..."